


Deep Breath in. Deep Breath out.

by needsomethingtodoworld



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Family Fluff, Gen, Hurt Number Five | The Boy, Hurt/Comfort, No Incest, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy-centric, The Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy) Need a Hug, a little bit i guess but not THAT MUCH, i am /bad at tags/, no beta we die like ben, the fact that i even have to tag that yall nasty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26448928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needsomethingtodoworld/pseuds/needsomethingtodoworld
Summary: What if The Commission took Five right after he jumped to after the apocalypse? They wiped his memory and trained him to be a killer. They sent him to take care of the people who stopped the apocalypse, but what they didn't expect was for Five to remember his family. (basically a winter soldier au bc i was in love with the idea)
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy) & Everyone
Comments: 8
Kudos: 195





	Deep Breath in. Deep Breath out.

**Author's Note:**

> so i saw this tumblr post where five was taken by the commission like when he first got to the apocalypse and they like wiped his memory and shit so i wrote it. forgive me if it sucks.

"The people from the mansion. I knew them," Five said, although it sounded more like a question.

He closed his eyes and tried to picture their faces. One of the biggest men he'd ever seen, even bigger than the people who make sure he does his _ job _ .

Two other girls. Two other boys. Five was so used to getting in, killing who they said he needed to, and getting out. This time, however, he saw something in their faces. It wasn't fear that made him stop. Something else. He opened his eyes and sat up in the chair he was strapped in. 

_ His orders: break into the place with the umbrella gates and kill everyone in it. He was about to pull the trigger on the girl playing the violin when his hand shook.  _

The Handler sighed and scoffed, "I thought you were better than this. I thought we had made progress. I  _ thought _ we had squashed it OUT of you. But  _ no _ ." Five shrunk back as much as he could in his metal chair, expecting punishment.

_ Right before he had the chance to steady his hand and take the shot, something crashed into him from behind.  _ Compromised. _ He wasn't expecting them to fight back. Most of the time they just begged. Five threw a punch at the man who tackled him.  _

_ When the others came in he ran. Slipped out the door and jumped away. What had stopped him from pulling the trigger on the first girl?  _

"Wipe him," she commanded

\---------------------

Vanya sat quietly on the couch. Just this week she discovered she had powers, and now someone was breaking into their house trying to kill them?

_ She heard Diego shouting and crashing into something. Shots rang out through the old house. _

_ She got under her bed and tried to focus on the sound of the wind outside. A trick her old therapist taught her. Focus on the constant sound and try to tune out the bad ones.  _

_ The whistle of the wind got louder, and louder, and louder every passing second.  _ Deep breath in. Deep breath out. 

_ She covered her head with her hands and turned around. The window in the hallway came crashing down.  _

She got Dad's old journal out of her bag and leafed through the pages.  _ Focus on the sound _ . If she imagined hard enough, he could almost hear his snobby old voice. 

_ The bed went flying above her. Objects around her room were moving all around her, suspended in midair. _

_ "Vanya- you okay- holy  _ shit _ Vanya, what the hell is going on?" Diego asked. _

Vanya closed her eyes and tried to focus on the sound of the leaky pipe in the kitchen. It was sound, right? That's what Dad's journal said. Nothing. Did she have powers or did they all just hallucinate? Was Dad's journal just an elaborate prank? Reginald Hargreeves was not a joking man, but he seemed like the asshole that would leave his kids one last test. One last secret? Which one?

_ Vanya always tried to tell herself she was special. When she got proof that she wasn't, that she had superhuman abilities, the only thing she felt was fear. _

"Vanya. Cm'ere. I want to show you something," Allison leaned through the doorframe and motioned for her to follow.

Vanya stood up and followed her sister. They walked down all the old "Defensive Stances" posters that lines the hallways and took a few turns into an old room Vanya didn't recognize. 

Stacked upon the desk were multiple rows of old TVs. There was a cabinet on the other side of the small room. Vanya pulled out the chair and sat down. "Is this... us?"

Allison nodded. "Pogo showed me this a while ago. Figured it would cheer you up."

Both of them watched Luther chase Diego around begging for his stuff back. 

"Nice to see nothings changed," Vanya joked. A bright light flashed across a corner of the screen and Vanya brought her fingers up to the glass and whispered, "Five." 

Vanya felt tears start to well up in her eyes. She watched the scene, the tears falling now. Allison crouched down beside her and let Vanya lean her head against her shoulder. 

Vanya sniffled then let out a quick laugh. "Look at me. Sixteen years and I'm still not over it." 

"Are any of us really? At least when Ben died we got closure, but we still don't know what happened..." Allison trailed off. 

Deep breath in. She wasn't going to bawl over this now. Deep breath out. Allison nudged her and giggled when she appeared on the screen and overdramatized walking past the boys and rolling her eyes. Vanya stifled a laugh and saw a pencil floating in the air out of the corner of her eye.

Allison looked at her, the pencil, back to her, and then she smiled and hugged her sister.

Maybe everything would be alright. No matter what happened, she had her family by her side, helping her figure out these new powers.

\---------------------

" _ Wipe Him." _

The machine loomed in the distance, but it wasn't in the distance. It was right above his head. About to wipe him clean. Like a brand new slate, ready to write on until she was done and then over again. And over again. Would it ever stop?

He gritted his teeth and promised himself to try and  _ remember  _ this time. He bit his tongue and closed his eyes. The first man. What was his name? Why did he recognize him? 

_ Diego _ . That was it. And there was Luther. Allison. Klaus. Vanya. The pieces were sliding into place and he tried to hold onto that thread of hope that he could remember everything after he was wiped again. No blank slate. His thoughts were carved in stone. No more erasing them. He would find them, and he would go from there. 

So many questions were still unanswered. 

He concentrated on remembering as hard as he could, and he braced himself for the electricity of the machine. 

He could feel his thoughts falling, slipping, swirling down the drain.  _ No no no no no- _ He was supposed to hold this time. 

And then everything was blank. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. He looked at the Handler and nodded. She looked him over and smiled, not out of happiness, not out of joy, but something sinister. Something that said, "I control you, and I enjoy it."

\---------------------

Another day listening to his dumbass siblings argue would push Ben over the edge. Unable to say anything -or rather, yell at them for being so fucking stupid- felt like being trapped somewhere. Normally he could  _ tolerate  _ it, but with everything going on? Hell no. He couldn't sit by and watch his family be attacked by an assassin.

"I'm just saying we should find out what he wants! We shouldn't just kill him without finding out who they are and why they attacked us!" Allison shouted over the ruckus.

"Well before we decide what to do with him, we have to  _ find  _ him," Diego protested.

"If he doesn't find us first," Klaus put in. Ben wasn't aware he was paying attention in the first place, so hearing him talk was a surprise.

"Klaus is right. We don't know who this guy is or what he wants so we should stick together," Luther declared.

"Not what I said," Klaus responded lazily. Ben rolled his eyes. As much as he hated to admit it, Luther was right in this case. They were stronger together. 

Allison rolled her eyes and said, "We should get out of the house. If we leave here, it'll be harder to find us."

"I vote we go to Griddy's," Klaus remarked.

They all shrugged in agreement and shoved themselves into Dad's old car.

\---------------------

The targets were in a donut shop drinking coffee. Five adjusted the aim of his gun and made sure he had a backup knife. He was more skilled with a gun, but he had to be prepared for anything.

Five targets. More than he was used to, but something he could still take care of.

Five targets. The big one might take an extra bullet. Other than that, a bullet for each of them. His orders were clear: kill them quickly, so they didn't have a chance to fight back. Don't use his powers unless absolutely necessary. 

He checked the clip on his gun and sighed when he realized all the ammunition had been removed. The Handler had given him another 'test.' She didn't do it often, and sometimes it wasn't even for him. She wanted the victims to suffer, to see their death coming, and not be able to do anything about it.

At least he had a knife that had been sharpened recently. 

The scope of the gun still worked, so he looked through it and saw the big guy paying the waitress.  _ Go time. _

Five unsheathed the knife and put his mask back on. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. 

He moved quickly and quietly to a car parked in front of the shop. He heard the bell chime from the inside of the store. 

_ Five. Four. Three. Two. One.  _

Five quietly leapt out of his hiding spot to right behind the group. It would be easier to take them all down from the middle, but how should he go about getting in? He must have hesitated for a minute too long because the big one whirled around and grabbed his hand. Five felt his grip leave bruises on his wrist. Knowing how to get out of tight grips a basic skill people of his well,  _ skillset _ .

The boy twisted around and slipped between the small girl and the tall one. 

He tossed his knife, punched someone (He wasn't sure who, it was all a bit of a blur), then caught the knife. A little cocky, if he was being honest, but it worked. 

What he didn't expect, however, was for one of them to hit him in the stomach.  _ Hard _ . It caught him off balance for just a minute, but that was a minute too long.

He didn't expect a lot of things. He didn't expect them to try and fight back. He didn't expect to fail a mission.

He didn't expect a knife to end up lodged between his ribs. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. 

Five would finish his mission and then get the blade out of his chest. Simple. His gripped tightened and he could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears. 

He broke the rules. He used his powers. He'd regret it later, though. Jumping with any sort of injury made it ten times worse and a hundred times more painful. 

He brought  _ his _ knife up- not the one in his torso, the one he brought with him- he brought it up to the short girl's neck. 

Time seemed to freeze around him. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. All he had to do was kill them. What was stopping him? 

His hand trembled.  _ Why couldn't he do this? _

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out. 

He pushed the knife against her throat.

He felt his masked ripped off his face and arms around his neck. 

\---------------------

Holy shit. The assassin chasing after them was Five. Klaus needed to sit down. 

Five. Five, their brother who went missing when they were thirteen. He still looked thirteen, for the record. But  _ Five? _ Five? 

"Holy shit."

"Luther, let him go!" Allison protested.

"Let him go? He tried to kill us!" Diego shot back. 

Five went limp in Luther's hold. 

"Listen, we've all wanted to kill each other at one point or another! This is  _ Five _ for fucks sake! He probably had a good reason. Now we have to get him to Mom or he's going to bleed out in the Griddy's parking lot!" Klaus nearly shouted. 

Luther nodded in agreement and picked up their long-lost brother's limp body, being careful not to move the knife in his torso. 

\---------------------

Everything went black.

What was going on?

He felt like he was swimming.

Swimming in the ocean, not a pool.

The waves were lapping over him, things were swimming around him. 

He heard a voice, one that sounded vaguely familiar. It sounded old and uptight like a school principal and Five had been sent to the office again. The voice only said one word:  _ Remember _ .

Suddenly Five was lifted by an invisible string. He was floating now

He was floating in old memories that could have been his in another life. A boy teleporting- just like he could- in front of another boy running up the stairs.  _ It could have been him. _

He realized, with a jolt, that that  _ was _ him. Flashes of old memories rushed around him like a river. 

_ What was he doing? _

All the memories flew through him, even some without his family. The faces of the people he killed. The Handler torturing him. Her sickly sweet voice telling him to just give up. 

" _ Just die already," she taunted. "They never missed you. Why would that change now? Why would they want you back? You tried to kill them!" _

Why would they want him back? They probably never missed him in the first place. Did anyone?

The older voice was back.  _ His father,  _ Five realized. 

" _ Number Five come back here!" he scolded.  _

If only he had listened to his father. He wouldn't be here, wherever  _ here _ was. Floating, swimming, sinking, drowning. All in his head. 

His father's words echoed in his head. 

_ "Come back here!" _

Over and over and over. Taunting his biggest mistake. 

He was in the ocean again. 

" _ Give up," The Handler's voice whispered in his ear. _

_ "Come back here," Reginald yelled in his ear. _

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

\---------------------

Allison Hargreeves was a mother. She had motherly instincts. Then she saw her little brother who still looked thirteen years old, even though it's been nearly seventeen years since he slammed the door on their dysfunctional little family. And those instincts kicked in.

She stood by the doorway of the infirmary, watching their mother patch him back up.

Every time his vitals dipped, even a tiny bit, she could feel her heart drop to her feet. 

Grace must have noticed her because she looked up and said, "No more roughhousing now kids."

Allison looked at Five's pale body lying on the table and choked back a sob. Where had he been for seventeen years? There were so many questions she wanted to ask him and he might not even wake up to hear them. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

Everything would be fine.

\---------------------

All of the faces flashed around Five. The hollowed echoes of their screams haunted every corner of his mind. Blood stained his hands. It was under his nails and in every crease of his palm. If he went back into the water, would it come off?

He remembered the ruins of the earth. Bricks still falling, the air still thick with the smell of death. Maybe that was a sign. Maybe that was his churchyard grim. His omen of death. 

" _ Come back here?" _

This time it wasn't Reginald's order. It was his brothers and his sisters asking.

_ They always knew he couldn't say no to them.  _

\---------------------

Diego was sitting on his bed sharpening his knife, listening to Vanya play her violin. It had been two hours since Mom took Five in, and he knew it might be a while, but was seventeen years not enough? They finally got their brother back and he was trying to kill them. Would he try to kill them when he woke up? If he woke up?

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. It was an old trick Mom taught him, along with "Picture the word in your mind." It calmed his nerves a little bit and he decided to go check on Five.

He saw Allison standing by the doorway. Tentatively, he put a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and relaxed.

"He hasn't woken up yet," she whispered.

"He will," Vanya whispered. She came up behind him with Klaus. Soon they were all there, just waiting for Five to rejoin the land of the living. 

After a few minutes after just watching their little brother breathe, he started coughing. Luther stepped in first and grabbed a chair from the corner.

"Hey buddy," Diego said as Five opened his eyes. "Why don't you tell us what happened?"

\---------------------

So Five told them. He told them what he knew, at least. Trying to time travel, fucking it up, getting stuck in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. 

"I was there for about a week before I was picked up by The Commission." They nodded along, trying to process all the information being thrown at them. 

"They wiped my memory and trained me to be a killer." That was the version he would tell them at least. His siblings didn't need to know about the torture he took and also gave. There were tears welling in his eyes and he told himself to keep going. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

"They sent me to kill you, in hopes of causing the apocalypse again. I started to remember again when I saw you guys," he babbled on, not making eye contact. Five leaned back in the bed and stopped talking. 

There was a rush of voices, questions flying through the air. Vanya's voice cut through them saying, "Hey guys, just give him a break. He's been through enough already." Five closed his eyes, thankful for her speaking up. 

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. He would be okay. He would figure everything out with his family by his side. 

**Author's Note:**

> uwu so i made it halfway through editing it before i realized i forgot luther's pov and the story was finished and i am lazy af so even though i love luther i just. didn't add his perspective in. hope u enjoyed pls gimme some validation


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